Shh...Don't Tell

I haven’t had it in me to post much lately, although I have plenty to say. I think I’ve figured out why. I might just be happy. Truly happy for the first time in over a year. A whole year of unhappiness behind me. I don’t want the universe to hear me and smite me again, so I’ve been keeping it under wraps.

So what have I been doing in my blissed-out state? Scouring the clearance pages of Pottery B_arn Kids.com and grabbing amazing discounts on items for the nursery H has started painting. Folding and unfolding the Gymbor.ee clothes we bought for the twins so I can touch something that will belong to my babies. Directing H in assembling closet systems we splurged on from the Co_ntainer Store with my Christmas bonus. Eating small healthy, snacks almost every hour to prevent the twins from causing me to collapse from hunger. Sleeping whenever I’m not online shopping or eating. I’m still working, of course, but that is just a temporary distraction until I can get back home to my critical routine of eating, shopping, napping.

Naps have been preferable to a full night’s sleep, because I am very uncomfortable after sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time. My belly and back start to ache, and I have a hard time rolling over to switch sides. I’m right on target for my growth, and I love looking at my big, round belly, but I see how the next few growth spurts are really going to start taking a toll on me.

In answer to Seattlegal, who notes that her weight gain is hovering at the same place right now at 12 weeks, I did find that I stayed the same weight for a few weeks right around the start of my second trimester. It freaked me out a little, but then I had a growth spurt of a few pounds and it’s been a steady pound a week ever since.

Hi to Bella, who wrote that she is 3 days behind me with twins! Thanks for reading and I hope to hear more from you!

I’ve still been keeping up on my blog reading, though I haven’t always been able to comment as much because beta blogger is evil. My replies keep getting eaten by it.

So, now you know the truth. I’m scared to write about being happy. But I’m trying it out a little anyway. Because we all know I’ll have something to freak out about again sooner than later, so I might as well try to balance my blog out with the good and the bad.

I still wake up feeling amazed that I’m actually pregnant. I’m grateful my belly is so big because it gives me substantial proof that this pregnancy is real. Some of the worst side affects of IF are fading. I no longer grind my teeth at night, and I am now able to put friends’ baby pictures on the fridge again instead of in the kitchen junk drawer when they arrive in the mail. But the paranoia remains, as I buy baby items tentatively, refusing to buy duplicates of anything should something happen to one twin. I justified buying one “twin” item (a cute frame that says “two of a kind”) by telling myself I can always give it to my neighbor who is expecting twins if something should go wrong.

I need to get over my fear, as my peri has instructed me to go out and buy the big-ticket items like car seats and cribs now in case I need bedrest in the months to come. The 30-day return policies on these items scare me. Thirty-day return policies are for a fertile world, not an infertile one.