This Blog is Rated "B" for Bitter

I have to admit that I'm writing this blog to hopefully connect with other women in my situation as much as I'm doing it to vent. Otherwise I'd just pick up the nice new journal I got for Christmas and use that. I'm new to blogging in general, so I really look forward to hearing if there's anybody else out there just starting out like me.

Last night H and I had a pretty good heart-wrenching conversation about accepting what's going on with us medically and moving forward as a team. One thing I am grateful for is that we have really drawn a lot of strength from each other in the past few weeks. I feel like our bond is tighter because of this problem.

At the same time, we have very different ways of handling our grief, so that has caused the occassional flare up. Luckily those moments have not lasted long. For H, I talk way too much about everything. So, this weekend we spent a day at the beach and I swore not to bring up anything about our condition the entire day. Well, no sooner had I settled onto our beach blanket and opened my book when H says, "Oh my God--Look!" I turned towards the ocean and looked upward to see one of those bi-planes flying a message across the sky that read:

Not Pregnant Yet? Maybe You Should Try IVF.

My immediate response was, "What the .....!?!?!?!"

First off, since when do those planes go around advertising fertility treatments??? I'm used to reading: "All you can eat buffet tonight at the Bonfire. DJ Batman at 10" and stuff like that.
Luckily H and I both were able to laugh about the irony of it, but still. Needless to say, we ended up talking about our options a little even though we were trying to just relax for a bit.

H is coming around towards IVF now that its sinking in that this may be our only hope of a biological child. I really feel for him, because while I have always wanted us to have kids, I've always felt that he has wanted it more than me. He's great with all kids, whereas it takes me a little longer to warm up to them. I always knew that having my own would be different though, and when we started trying I was so excited.

I'm trying to remain hopeful about IVF, but I just have a bad feeling about this.