Why Am I Not Puking?!?

Scared shitless. That’s me these days. Not because of spotting, not because of extreme abdominal pain. But because I still really don’t feel much of anything new symptom wise, and I haven't had a hint of morning sickness. I never thought I'd be so anxious to feel nauseous.

Tomorrow is my ultrasound. I could leave the appointment elated, or I could leave wanting to curl up and die. It all depends on what the RE sees when he takes a look at what’s become of my two little 7-celled embryos. I read some blogs of folks listed as “expecting” on the blogrolls of sites I like and was horrified to find that some of them didn’t have happy endings after all. Some had morning sickness, saw a heartbeat, and then had it all go to crap a week or two later. Other saw their symptoms recede and their once lovely sacs disappear on the second ultrasound. It’s driving me crazy. There are just so few happy stories we ladies have to tell. It’s not right. The miscarriage rates are supposed to be pretty low, especially after you see a heartbeat, so why does it seem that the number of tragedies is much higher in blogword than it should be? I think I need to take a step back from searching out new blogs to “reassure myself” and just stick to the blogs I already read for camaraderie purposes.

I also signed up for an IVF discussion board, and nervously entered a chat room for those “expecting after IVF.” I was comforted for my lack of symptoms, being told that lots of women don’t have morning sickness and are still perfectly pregnant. But they were still there—horror stories of losses after pregnancies that seemed so secure. It’s awful. For me, this is worse than the 2ww, just as waiting to see if any of my eggs fertilized was the most stressful part of the cycle.

Okay, I’m still needing reassurance—anybody out there who didn’t have morning sickness and still had a normal pregnancy??? I never thought I’d see the day when I was so eager to be throwing up.

Oh--I just had some twinges in my stomach. Ugh! Not knowing everything is okay is killing me. Please, please, please God, let me have good news tomorrow! I'll be reporting to you all around noon.