Disbelief

Thank you all for the kind words on the good beta results. I still can't believe it. It feels like a week has gone by since yesterday, like I was living it in slow motion or something. My next beta is set for Monday morning, and I don't know about anything from there. I haven't researched what to expect beyond the first beta since I didn't think I'd be this lucky. Google here I come. I hope the numbers do what they should.

H actually heard the beta results before me--there was a snafu with my lame nurse which is also why we got the call so late. (It's a long story and I'm feeling too good to really bash her right now.)I called my mom and gave her the news as soon as I had talked to H. She was thrilled, and of course I corrected her when she used the p word immediately. I've begged her not to say anything to relatives or make any plans until we progress further...much further. She seemed to understand. She was really sweet though and she sounded like she was crying. It's highly unusual for me to see/hear my mom get emotional, which of course made me even more emotional.

When I got home, H and I went out to dinner to cautiously celebrate. We are afraid of too much optimism, but we also want to have a break from being so miserable. This is the first good sign we've had in a long time--2006 (up to now) and most of 2005 really sucked for us in a lot of different ways. I told H that I thought the results were too good to be true, and he commented that with all the really, really bad luck we'd been having, maybe we were due for something really good. I hope so. I can't help but be excited, and I'm scared.

I feel like I haven't "paid my dues" in this community that has been such a great support for me, and I am acutely aware of how unfair it is that I should get a positive on my first cycle when there are those of you who have been here much longer and deserve it just as much. Now, we all know the sad truth that I could just be headed for a bigger fall than getting a negative would have been if something bad happens with this. But for now, I have to hope that this is real and good news can only help lift everyone's mood a little. On some of my darkest days I have gone to the blogs of those who have been successful to remind myself that this stuff really can help. I hope my news has not hurt anyone. Even with a plus sign, I'm here to stay in the IF world--I know that.