Happiness versus Worry

I’ve spent the past few days feeling like a weight has been lifted. Of course, my happiness has been punctuated by a few sharp pangs of—what if this still fails. The wait for my first ultrasound isn’t as bad as the wait for my second beta was (and neither come even close to being as bad as the 2 week wait hell), but I occasionally find myself clenching up as I imagine the worst. Unfortunately, H cannot be with me for the first scan next week because he will be on a business trip. We’re both really disappointed, but since this scan won’t detect the heartbeat yet, I guess it won’t be as momentous. He definitely will be there for that.

H has pointed out a few Internet searches he’s done citing that IVF patients are more at risk for ectopic pregnancies, and he’s chosen to make that his worry. I think it’s odd that you’d be more at risk for one when my RE specifically recommended IVF for me in order to avoid an ectopic with my bad left tube. Anybody else hear of this? My worry is that there just won’t be anything there, or it won’t be growing fast enough. Please, please, please let there be at least one healthy one growing in there. I don’t know how to cope without any more blood draws for over a week!

The pain of the PIO shots is starting to flare up again—I have a knot on each hip. I’ve also got a bad band-aid rash on my right side that is making the skin all dry and itchy. I try not to use band aids afterwards, but some of the shots make me bleed more than others. Any suggestions for lotion or a better band aid? I thought I’d be totally carefree about the shots by now, but I still dislike them each and every night.