Medical History, Part 3

When my HSG showed a blocked left tube, I was devastated. I got all worked up because I went on Dr. Google and read about those blocked hydro tube problems that are uterus home wreckers, preventing embryos from implanting no matter whether you have IVF or one healthy, working tube. I imagined all the possible embies that might have developed over the last year, washed out at sea because of the evil left tube. When H came home my face was a swollen balloon. He yelled at me for going on the Internet and told me to wait for the RE’s analysis. I yelled back that I read a study about the whole thing that our very own Dr. Optimism had written on the subject, and it showed that a hydro tube (sorry for the slang, I forget the real term) would prevent even IVF from working let alone IUI and my only recourse would be to have the tube removed through a lap. I started calculating when I would have the surgery, and how long it would take to recover. I imagined that once the left tube was gone, we’d be able to get pregnant with just the right one. It would just take longer. But that was okay. I felt in control, and it was good.

But I was wrong. I called our nurse to get H’s latest SA results, and when I did, she put Dr. Optimism on the phone. He explained that my left tube was compromised, but it wasn’t collecting fluid, like a hydro thingy would. No surgery would be necessary. It wouldn’t matter, because H’s SA results confirmed he was subfertile, and IVF was really our best chance. IVF most likely with ICSI. I went home and cried harder than I had over my perceived hydro thingy, knowing that H did not want to do IVF at all. He had been clear about it.

When he got home, I was so upset I could barely tell him. I finally showed him the scrap of paper with his test results and squeaked out “Fixing my tube doesn’t matter because your diagnosis is bad and IVF is our only choice and you don’t want IVF so we’re not having kids and I want to die now.” And he said, Okay. So we’ll have to do IVF. Just so long as we don’t have to do ICSI (we had learned it at this point). I said nothing, figuring I’d let the doctor tell him about ICSI. We had a follow up appointment scheduled to discuss next steps, and that was all I could handle right then. The fact that H did a complete turnaround from no IVF to allowing IVF gave me some hope.