Meltdown

It finally happened. I had a complete and total meltdown in front of other people. I visited my parents over the weekend, and I just lost it. I sobbed uncontrollably about the whole infertility situation, the lack of med coverage, our desperation to start a family. All of it. And my parents had to endure it all. I think I cried for about 5 hours straight and my eyes continued to leak as I tossed and turned at their hourse overnight. We were visiting with them for a little getaway. What a nightmare. The next day my eyes were so swollen I could barely see. I tried to go swimming with them but I felt so awful.

My mom took the whole thing pretty well. She is 100 percent behind my decision to do the IVF cycle and she is very confident it will work. She says she would do the same thing if she were me. She was very good about diffusing my meltdown. My father, on the otherhand, is worried that my meltdown is a sign that the cycle is already affecting me more than it's worth (he was shocked to learn I wasn't taking hormone meds yet, unless you count the pill). He told me that he would be perfectly happy if I chose not to have any kids. In fact, if faced with the same situation, he said he would not do IVF and would live child-free.I know he was only trying to help, but this was not exactly a comforting thing to say to an infertile in meltdown mode, especially when she is your daughter. So, looks like Mom is my new confidante. As her reward for surviving my violently tearful rant, I told her the planned dates of my retrieval and transfer and thoroughly explained the cycle process to her. Let's hope I don't regret that. I told her that I might not want to talk about things with her while they are occurring, and that the more she doesn't ask, the more I'm likely to share. I'm messed up, I know.